Poetry

I am the Very Model of a Purple-coiffured Mastermind

A ridiculous filk by Imo-girl

With many thanks to Kaze for her faster mind.

Many apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan for parodying theirs.

Shinobu:

I am the very model of a purple-coiffured mastermind;

In all of shoujo manga I'm the undisputed wunderkind.

I run the Student Council and I quote the odds historical,

(To ask if I'm victorious is really just rhetorical.)

I know your insecurities and reasons motivational,

I'll draw you in by making several promises temptational,

About your deepest secrets I am teeming with a lot o' news,

So when I ask for favors it is best for you to *not* refuse.

Aoki, Sakaguchi, Yoshiki and Fujikake:

So when he asks for favors it is best for you to not refuse!

So when he asks for favors it is best for us to not refuse!

So though we'd really like to, it is best for us to not refuse!

Shinobu:

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous,

In times of deepest crisis you will never see a faster mind;

I am the very model of a purple-coiffured mastermind.

Shun, Hasukawa, and Mitsuru:

In times of deepest crisis we have never seen a faster mind

He is the very model of a purple-coiffured mastermind!

Shinobu:

My neighbor's Kisaragi, and like all his parents' progeny

He shows this oft confusing trait: familial androgeny,

And though the odds pulling off the trick were astronomical,

I parlayed his genetic quirk to success economical.

My sister's named Nagisa; though her ploys are ineffectual,

It's best to stay away, for she's an S&M bisexual.

She dragged my roommate to her lair and stripped him on the premises

(It might have been amusing if she hadn't been my nemesis.)

A, B, C and D:

It might have been amusing if she hadn't been his nemesis!

Greenwood residents:

It kinda was amusing though Nagisa is his nemesis!

It really was amusing since he frustrated his nemesis!

Shinobu:

Since I can recognize disguis'd pop singing idols at a glance,

And who's on campus littering the grounds with ladies' underpants,

Through scrutiny determining they're corvids (Order: Passerine),

I am the very model of a purple coiffured mastermind.

Nitta Mieko, Dorm Lady and Manga-ka:

Through scrutiny determining they're of the Order Passerine;

He is the very model of a purple coiffured mastermind!

Shinobu:

When I can sense a ghost that wants to share my friend's society,

And spend the endless nights with her behaving with propriety,

(I would have rather banished her, but that would be deplorable

And after all, Mitsuru's crabby outbursts were adorable!)

When I can tell at sight the unknown uniforms from other schools,

And taunt Nagisa with the thought of henchmen that her brother fools,

When I can blast my lookalike of chocolate as it tries to form,

You'll say a better mastermind has never terrorized a dorm!

Misako-chan, A, B, C, D, alien and Greenwood residents:

You'll say a better mastermind has never terrorized a dorm!

We say a better mastermind has never terrorized a dorm!

No, no, a better mastermind has never terrorized a dorm!

Shinobu:

Though my ethical development is stunted rather mightily,

Mitsuru thinks he's capable of setting me aright-ily.

But still, in shoujo manga I'm the undisputed wunderkind;

I am the very model of a purple-coiffured mastermind.

All:

But still, in shoujo manga he's the undisputed wunderkind;

He is the very model of a purple-coiffured mastermind!

Notes:

Corvids: crows or ravens.

Passerine: pertaining to perching birds of the Order Passeriformes,
which includes the Family Corvidae.

Err. "Wunderkind" doesn't actually rhyme with "mastermind." ^_^;;;