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[Scene 10, Part 2. Everyone and their mothers are in the Greenwood visiting
room. Is Mitsuru really Jin and Chiyako's son?]

Mrs. Ikeda: Do you have proof that Mitsuru is your son?

Jin: No. I was in London, remember?

Chiyako: Umm. Wait! He has three moles on his bottom like the stars in
Orion's belt!

Shinobu: No, he doesn't.

Mitsuru: No, I don't!

Youji: No, wait. That was our other child.

Chiyako: Oh yeah.

Youji: I've got it! Any cut to his face heals in under a minute!

Ikedas: Gasp!

Greenwood Residents: Gasp!

Mrs. Ikeda: You win! He's yours. [To Mitsuru:] Cheer up, kid! You've found
your real family!

Mitsuru: I'm in Hell . . .

Sho: Wait! This means I don't have a brother any more! You bastards!

Mrs. Ikeda: Well, actually, Miwa Yoshimitsu is *your* father, so you're half
brother to Satoshi over there. Cheer up, chum!

[Miwa and Sho embrace]

Sho: How old are you?

Miwa: Eighteen.

Sho: Great! You're older! That means _you_ have to inherit the temple.

Miwa: Well, I *was* wondering what I was going to do with my life.

Sho: Mitsuru!

Miwa: Yuu!

Sho and Miwa: We don't need you guys any more! We have each other!

Mitsuru and Yuu: [Thinking:] (Thank God . . .)

Shinobu: Has anyone else noticed that Yuu and Sho sound exactly the same?

Hasukawa: Mr. Ikeda, doesn't it _bother_ you that you don't have any children
of your own?!

Mr. Ikeda: I'm resigned to it.

Shun: Why?

Mr. Ikeda: I'm a monk.

All: [Facefault]

Hasukawa: But you're not a *Catholic* monk, are you? You didn't take a vow
of *celibacy*, did you?

Mr. Ikeda: [Eyes lighting up] No . . . I didn't. [Turns to Mrs. Ikeda] Hey, Honey!

Mrs. Ikeda: [Slapping him on the back] Sure thing, chum!

Miwa: Hey, everyone! I have an announcement: Shun and I are getting married!

Miki: Omedetou!

Shun: Thanks!

Rest: [Facefault]

Hasukawa: You *do* know he's a guy, don't you?

Miwa: He _is_?

Miwa: Well, who cares! He _likes_ me!

Shun: Wai! [Heart symbols]

[Epilogue: Room 211. Mitsuru enters with a suitcase.]

Mitsuru: Tadaima.

Shinobu: Welcome back.

Mitsuru: You know how I used to feel uncomfortable around the Ikedas?

Shinobu: Mmmm.

Mitsuru: This is worse. My half-siblings keep making out all the time.

Shinobu: If it makes you feel better, I bought you the new CD single by
Tsuchiya Kei.

Mitsuru: Oooh. That bishounen? What's it called?

Shinobu: "Forget Yuu".

Mitsuru: Sounds good to me.

[The door crashes open, revealing the Koishikawa-Matsuuras]

Rumi: Hi!

Chiyako: We decided it was unfair of us to separate our children from their
biological, adopted, supposed, birth, step, and half parents, so we've all decided
to move in with the Ikedas and Miwas at the Kouryu temple! The Hasukawas are
going to live with us too!

Youji: It turns out that _Hasukawa Kazuhiro_ is Yuu's father!

Jin: We're going to have a big party for him once he gets out of prison.

Rumi: We're all one big, happy family!

Chiyako: Shun's going to move in after the wedding!

Miki: We thought Shinobu would like to join us!

Shinobu: No.

Mitsuru: And that goes double for me!

Yuu: Have it your way.

[The door closes.]

Mitsuru: The Koishikawa-Matsuura-Ikeda-Miwa-Kisaragi-Hasukawa family,
huh? It's going to take me_forever_ to sign a check! . . . Hey, wait! I'm related
to Suka-chan now! He's my. . . my. . .

Shinobu: Mother's son's father's brother on your mother's side, and your father's
step-son's father's brother on your father's side. He's your illegitimate half-uncle.

Mitsuru: Yeah, that's it.

Shinobu: I've calculated that at this rate, that family will swallow up the entire
population of Japan within the next six months.

Mitsuru: Maybe we should take steps to protect ourselves.

Shinobu: It's already too late for you.

Mitsuru: Damn! Does this mean you won't marry me?

Shinobu: Well. . .

Mitsuru: Wai! [Heart symbols]

The End.